Well, we took the kids trick or treating last night. We haven't taken the kids door to door to ask for candy from strangers in....well, ever.
In the past, we were very pleased with the annual harvest/ fall festival at our church, playing a few carnival games, winning a cupcake on the cupcake walk, karaoke, popcorn and bounce house with our favorite people.
This year I had no plan, so we ended up at a cute little neighborhood, sure to have candy. But in the dark, surrounded by people I didn't know, walking up to strangers' doors to ask for a handout, past horror masks and scary sounds I don't even let Katy watch on TV (much less the littler kids) - I felt sick. Nauseous really, and I was ready to turn the kids around after the very first house.
We were only a few feet from the van. I could have dealt with the stares from those other
"wonderful" parents, wondering what was wrong with me, while my children completely fell apart - crying, arguing, falling limp to the ground. I could have, really I could have. They're not the boss of me!
But I didn't. We walked on.
Soon the desire to puke passed, only to be replaced with tears. I was saddened for all these people. Saddened that everyone thinks this is a holiday worth celebrating. I was reminded of a quote from You've Got Mail, "We are... an American family." Tom Hanks is talking about how his grandfather has married someone half his age and now has children younger than his grandson... "We are... an American family, celebrating an American holiday."
But I don't think they understand what they are celebrating. Sure there were some cute costumes and my kids love free candy (well, most of it), but walking next to the scream or Freddy or crazy zombie clown or any of the other inappropriate costumes isn't my idea of family fun.
The tears finally stopped (luckily it was dark and only Becca noticed... she notices emotions, you know) and I was able to refocus my attention on my own cute kids in their own, homemade costumes and the fun they were having. Walking and talking and laughing.
The kids all created/ found their own costumes from around the house. I just helped with the hair. The Marshmallow of Liberty. A damaged cyborg assassin. The white queen from Alice in Wonderland. Queen Lucy from Narnia. Uniqua the pink. And I don't know what Claire is (one of the sisters dressed her).
Halloween is not for me. I already believe in angels and demons. I don't want to ask them for candy or anything else they might be "offering". Next year, we'll do something different: watch a movie, play games, have our own harvest festival, but I won't be sold on a materialistic holiday that means nothing but fear and cavities.
I do think we'll hit that little neighborhood again once they've decorated for Christmas. Walking, talking, laughing and looking at twinkly lights. That sounds like family fun. The fun that was missing from last night...light. Light in a dark world.